Castle: secrets in my heart
by bcastletime
Summary: A challenge writing. A new take on 401 "Rise". never writen summaries for my stories, so not good at it. Anyway this is my version on 401- a challenge from my sister. My 1st "Castle" fan fic. Please tell me what you think of it. ch 6-8 are up.
1. Chapter 1

"Secrets in my heart" this was a challenge writing. My sister challenged me last week since I had to go out-of-town for a week and that I had never seen the show "Castle." The challenge was to read the script of Castle, (one she sent me-4.01 "Rise") and to take one moment that the characters share with each other. she liked this episode, cause "Castle" confesses his love for "Beckett" but she says "Beckett", recovered from her gun shot a little to quickly (within a chimerical break). I told her what if she fell into a coma, then what? She loved the idea and this is where my story "secrets in my heart" came from. but when I told her I was almost done she sent me another script (4.23) so I'm working on that one too. so here is my 1st story it takes place right after they wheel her back to surgery. remember I've never seen the show so be kind to me, but I love to know how I'm doing on it.

disclaimer: do not own "Castle" characters.

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**Secrets in my heart**  
**by BCastle (named after my neighbor's dog-that's another story in its self)**  
**Dec 5th 2012**

**Chapter 1**

Hospital: afternoon

"If she dies this will all be on you." yells Josh, who puts his hands on Castle's shoulders slamming him into the wall of the hospital. Then storms off down the hall, passing the gathering of Beckett's friends.  
The picture on the wall falls on Castle's head, "ow." he cries out rubbing his head. The words Josh said to him repeats in his head. "she dies it's all on you." Castle turns to face Beckett's friends.

"He's right you know. This is all my fault...if I had just."

"Richard you can't blame yourself." his mother cries out, standing next to his daughter, Alexis.

"But if I wasn't there."

"She might have died right then." Martha walks up to her son, "Listen son,"

Just then Dr. Kovaks starts towards them with a grim look. Not one that any of them want to see. A look of despair, failure. Castle knew that look, it wasn't going to be good news about his partner Beckett. He sighs, hoping that he didn't just...get her killed.

"How is she?" Mr Beckett, Kate's father asks with a shaky voice. "Is she going to make it?" he swallows fearing the worst. He couldn't believe that this was happening to his family all over again. He blinks as he waits for the news...the news that would change his life...their lives forever.

"These next few hours are crucial."

"Can I see my daughter?" he quietly asks.

"She just got out of surgery, but during surgery..."

"Yes," he interrupts the Dr, then swallows.

"She experienced cardiac arrest. Now, we were able to get her heart beating again on its own," _oh god here it comes, my daughters...no!_ he's mind screams. _how am I?_

"Right now she's fine, so let's get her settled frist then you and only you can see her. I don't want to many visitors right now."  
_that was close_ Castle's mind was relieved that she was going to be okay, but then the words "only you Mr. Beckett, can see her." registered. His heart sank. He couldn't even see her. _How do I know..._

The dr looks over the Jim's shoulder, "The rest of you go home and get some rest."

"Home is the last place I'm going." Esposito shouts.

"Me too." Ryan glances at Esposito then whispers, "where are we going?"

"To catch a this son-of-a-" he twitches his head, "you know." Castle looks at his mother without saying another word. Martha nods. She knows that look, she's seen it to many times since Castle took the job of following Beckett's every move.

"Go go, we'll be fine,"

"Are you sure mother?"

"I'll take Alexis home." The boys run off.

"Alexis," Martha calls as she looks around the crowd that was dwindling down in size, now that the Dr talk to everyone.

"I wanna stay," Alexis pleas, for she was getting use to having Beckett around, even liking her. She would never tell her dad that though. She still wanted her dad all to herself but it was good to know that Beckett would be a go to person, or at least she was hoping that she would be. Someone not like her mother, who could care less, what Alexis did. Alexis was always second to her mother's job. Alexis just wanted a girlfriend. Someone older that she could talk to and she thought that, that might be Beckett. She sighs, _But what if..._her world was changing again. A tear slid down the young girl's face.

"I know that you're upset dear. So we...," her grandmother starts to say then pauses, to think. "We can stay a little while," her grandmother took her into a hug. "It's all going to work out." That's when she saw Mr. Beckett pacing the waiting room. "I'll be..."

"I can't lose my little girl too." Martha leads him to a chair, "I lost my wife to this mess and now she might be gone to. I just..".he sniffs. He glances up at Martha through his tears. He could only see a blurry figure standing by him. "Mr. Castle knows that I don't blame him right, I just..."

"Richard blames himself, but..."

"Katie she... she always had a mind of her own. I knew in this line of work something might go wrong..." He let out a sigh and blinks tears away. Martha sits down beside him on the couch.

"You're never prepared for it." Jim continues.

"I'm not either, I couldn't imagine Richard...or what he's going through. He..."

"He's falling for her...I know, I see it in his eyes..." the two talked for a while.

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Precinct:

Castle wakes up from his hunched over position on Ryan's desk. His cell phone rings. He turns around to see Kate's empty desk. Kate...he whispers.

I just want this to be a bad dream Kate I...his phone rings again, snapping him back. "Castle," he answers more groggy then he intended to. The voice on the phone almost made him fall out of his chair."Wait I'm on my way."

Hospital:

Castle racing in, "Where," he shouts to the nurses at the front desk. They point down the hall. Running down the hall he nearly slides into Josh, who puts his hands up. "whoa, there. not you."

"A nurse called me told me to get down here now." Josh still has his hands on Castle, preventing him access to Beckett's room. "Get your hands off me!"

"Or what writer boy?"

"Enough break it up." Mr. Beckett hollers at the two men.

"Yeah, go home, you've done enough." Josh shouts.

"Me go home, what about you?" dirty looks were exchanged. The tension between the men was escalating and quick.

"Enough," Mr. Beckett comes between them. He stars at Castle, who made a face. He turns to walk away. _but why should I? He watches as_  
Josh follows them into Beckett's room. He steps up to follow them, and Josh slams the door in Castle's face.

"And don't come back," he heard Josh's voice ring out.  
Castle just stood there outside Beckett door. He could only watch now. Josh wasn't going to let him get any closer to her.

"Damn you Josh," he balls his hands into fits, "You are going to pay for that." Castle curses under his breath, he didn't want to cause another scene and get kicked out for good.

a nurse walks by smiling. Castle's eyebrows went up at the thought. _I could just walk in with them._ Josh looks up to see Castle still standing around.

"I thought I told you to leave!"

"I can visit if I want to." his voice getting louder, "You just said that I couldn't be in her room. Not out here." Castle was losing his cool with this guy..._what gives him the right to treat me Richard Castle this way._

Castle wanted to punch him in the face so bad. _Not here,_ he had to remind himself, _but if he keeps pushing at my nervous than I will not be responsible for what I do next. Now how to get rid of this guy, other than killing him, which I might want to do. um..._

Castle starts to walk up and down the hallway getting glances of Beckett. Praying that she will be okay. _This is not right I...Wake up Becket and tell me what to do? I should be the one in there...with you. I'm the one..._

_what? his mind asks, she never said she did_  
_she didn't have the chance._  
_he argued with himself. Now I may never know._

Josh on his cellphone comes rushing by.

"Don't even think it." he yells, covering his phone, "If you do, I'll have you thrown out of this hospital for good." He pushes Castle on purpose as he went by. That was the last straw. Castle had enough of this guy._ I got to get rid of that...that thing. But how?_

Nurses were talking among themselves about how the new renovations on the west wing were coming along.  
"_Renovations,"_ Castle thought.

"That new wing is going to be awesome," A nurse answers his thought.  
_If it's still under construction then...that means no one will be down there._ um...An evil grin came across his face. _I think I've got the perfect plan. one that Beckett...well we will worry about that later. Now to put it into action._

To be continued...

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	2. Chapter 2

**Secrets in my heart  
**

**chapter 2**

Hospital

Ryan and Esposito see Castle pacing back and forth the waiting room, staring at the door.  
"Can't go in either bro." Esposito says when they get closer to him.

"No why?" Castle looks up at them.

"That's just the way it is." Ryan responds,

"But I'm..."

"We all are bro," Esposito pats him on the shoulder. "We're mad too but..."

"If you're not family...They don't care." Ryan finishes Esposito's sentence.

"But we are her family, just not the right kind."

"So what can we do? I..." Castle's voice trails off.

"I know that you want to see her but..." Ryan snorts. "I wouldn't count on it anytime soon," he shakes his head as soon as he saw Castle's heart tear in two. "But we can watch from here," Ryan tries to cheer him up. He knew that that wouldn't make things right. Ryan knew that Castle had feelings for Beckett, he knew it from the start. He could see it in their eyes.

"It's not the same..." Esposito says as he went to the window to look in on his girl, "She needs..."  
_She needs me._ castle thought,_ I..._

"What if she..."

"Don't go there bro," he glances at Castle then at Ryan. "She'll be fine. She just got to be." Esposito was nearly in tears. _Be strong_ he told himself. _I have to be strong._

"Why does Josh get to go in there?" Ryan comments after seeing him sitting by Beckett's bed holding her hand. "That should be..." out of the corner of his eye he looks over at Castle.

"Cause he can pull rank," Castle made a face at Esposito's words. He knew all to well what that was like, he pulled rank to get to follow Beckett and now...he can't be with her. In her time of need.

"You can always try your charm." Ryan suggests laughing at the thought as a nurse walks by them.

"I just might do that." Castle tries to smile.

"I was just kidding, trying to..."

"I know, It's just..." Castle shakes he's head.

"Frustrating to have no power." Esposito stats, "We need to find this guy, this shooter and fast."  
Castle didn't care about finding that shooter, he wanted to be in there with his...what was she to him, more than a muse, more than partners, more than friends, more like...well he wanted more but did she? He starts walking back and forth, pacing again.

"Will you stop that...pacing." Ryan calls to him. "Go home."

"I'm going to be doing the some thing at the loft."

"Then think of a way to get past that guy. You always find away. That's what makes you Castle, think of what one of your characters would do in a situation like this?" Ryan patted him on the back, "But right now, we are going to grab something to eat and then... you want to come?"

"Don't ask him, just grab him by the arm bro." Esposito whisperers. "That's the only way to get him to leave..." a pause "her..."

So with every walk down the hall they made, the boys would make Castle go farther, closer to the door. Then they finally lead him right out of the building.

"She will be fine for a few hours, bro, come." Castle finally gives in and let's the boys his boys take him from the hospital's main entrance.

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Castle's loft later that afternoon:

"Is it true, that she's slipped into a coma." Alexis ran towards her dad and into his arms.

"Oh, dear I'm sorry." his mother hugs him from the other side.

Alexis pulls away, "Then why aren't you with Beckett?"

"I can't."

"What," she glances at him as he walks to the couch. "What did you do?" Alexis twirls around, now facing her dad.

"Just saved her life."

"And they wont let you see her." she sits down besides him.

"I'm not allowed in her room, Josh, her boyfriend," he made a face at his name "Won't let me in."

Alexis could see that he was not himself. Was he really that in love with her? He had been in love before. It never lasted, well he and her mother tried it and she ended up leaving.

She didn't want to see that again. Was that statement more for her or for him. To many women walked into his...their lives none stayed long enough for her to get use to them. She thought Beckett was going to be different, that was until she started dating this Josh guy. _Wait, isn't it my dad that is suppose to be the one that's jealous not me._ She just wanted to see that spark her dad had again and when Beckett was around she saw that spark. The one of happiness and excitement at every little thing she made him do. Alexis held her dad's hand. She could hear him sigh.

"The one thing that I've learned," Alexis starts to tell her dad what she thought. "...well...from you is never give up on what you want. So dad," She makes him look her in the eye. "Don't give up on her." she pats him on the shoulder, "Get over there and demand to see her. It's what the both of you want...need. You're her parnter...and.."

"I'm..." _She's right._ "I am...her partner." _in more ways then one._ He perks up some at that.

"And partners..." she wanted him to finish the thought which he did.

"have each others backs," Castle got up quickly, "That's exactly what I'm going to do."

"That's why I'm here."

"Thanks honey," He gave his daughter a kiss on the cheek.

"Very wise, kiddo." whispers Martha, wondering how her granddaughter got so wise. "I know that was hard for you. You think if Beckett...she might take him away from you".

"Some of that is true but look at how happy he is." Alexis watched her father skip out the door.

"How does he do it?" Alexis questions.

"Do what?"

"Seeing her go out with other men. Why can't he just tell her that he loves her. It's written all over his face, there's no secret, that he does."

"I don't know...I just don't know." Martha shakes her head, wondering the same thing. He better do it now, or he might lose her for good.

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Ryan's words came back..._what would your characters do? kill someone,_ Castle smirks. _Not a bad idea and I could do that for I know how to get away with it. but I couldn't._ Thinking of the boys and remodeling gave him a better idea. "Mr. Castle," the janitor to the precinct calls after seeing him walking towards the building.

"Hey, is everyone?"

"I think most have, I know that your boys haven't." the janitor winks and holds the door open for Castle. "Thanks."  
_my boys,_ a smile crept across his face. _Ryan and Esposito we are like family and we have to stick together and...hold on Beckett I'm coming._ Ryan and Esposito he could see were still talking, that they didn't notice that Castle was even in the building. Good while they, are distracted, I'll get what I need. Castle grabs a uniform now for my plan. He left his boys to find the shooter while he took care of his little problem.

Dressed as an officer of the law no one will see me. The sun was setting so he would have to start now. Sneaking around the back, like a thief in the night, Castle sees his target. Making sure no one was watching him, he jumps the fence. And goes under the plastic overhang streight into the hospital. That was easy but darker than I thought.

He places his hand on his flashlight, the one, that he sleeps with every night. The one that Beckett gave him when they first started over a year ago, I'm coming Beckett with my trusty flashier. he laughs remembering the story of the "trusty flashier".

Flashing his flashlight around, he made his way down the dusty west wing hallway. In the main hallway the night shift, non he had met, didn't seem to notice that he didn't belong. _Pretending to make rounds, this is going to be a long night._

"New security officer," one of the nurses from the night crew asks after seeing Castle walking by. Castle fell right into character.

"Yes, just putting me wherever these days. Anything that I should know?"

The brown headed nurse in her deep purple scrubs came around the nurses station towards Castle.

"Josh," Castle shivers, "one of our Doctors from the third floor, says that he had trouble with one man. Some 'writer boy' who thinks he owns this town just cause he's a writer." she was eying Castle, "So watch out for him."

"So where's this Josh." Castle almost choked on that name, "So I can talk to him."  
"Probably in the break room drinking coffee." She was edging closer to Castle. "His girlfriend got shot. She's in a coma now, poor thing. Her dad has been in there with her all day. See he lost his wife the same way by a...why am I going on and on?"

"That's fine. we're...I'm just watching for anything out of the ordinary." _No getting Josh out of that room_ he said in his mind. The nurse kept staring at Castle. He swallows thinking that he might have be caught. Turn on the charm Castle, so he did. He put on his best grin. Intercom comes on: Nurse Susans to room 101. "Well I got to go...but can I say one thing."

"Okay," Castle waited his fate. If anyone figured out what he was up to, that would be the end.

"You're kind of hansom to be a cop..." she smiles. _Is the an evil grin I just saw._ "Nurse Susans to room 101," the intercom repeats again. "I better go, catch you later."

"Look forward to it," She turns back around and held out her hand.

"Rachel Susans."

"Ricky, just Ricky." he shook her hand. Only did she know that she was shaking 'writer boy's' hand. After the nurse in purple left his sight he got to thinking of how to get Josh out.

_Poison nah I don't think so all though, drunk um...take to long think Castle we're in a hospital, you can always drug him._ He snaps his fingers, _that's it. Now how am I going to get my hands of some drugs, the nurse she..._

Waiting was not Castle's thing, the faster that he got rid of Josh the more time he would have with Beckett. What's taking so long, he murmured to himself.

Castle saw that Josh was still talking to Beckett, acting the best he could, without drawing to attention to himself he walks back and forth.

_what kind of lies is he telling her? now how to get him out here? um...got to think of a lure him down to the west wing._

"Ricky," he hears Rachel's voice from behind him. _Act normal, but what is normal?_

"Hey," He turns to face her.

"That's Josh's room. I just check on them, his girlfriend, detective Kate Beckett, she's still...the same."  
Josh was coming, Castle quickly turns her so he wouldn't be seen. "Why..." Castle leans in to her and kisses her, just as Josh walks by.

While he kisses Rachel, Castle slides his hands in her pocket lefts her keys. when they pull apart, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that." He confesses.

"It's okay," she stands there getting her bearings, "No complaints here," she finally responds in a Getty voice. "I..." Castle thinks she's starting to blush. "Thanks."

"No thank you," _for the keys_ he wanted to add.

When Josh returns Castle had to kiss Rachel again. _I'll do anything not to get caught by him._ This time Rachel ran her fingers through Castle hair. Something, he loved to feel.

"ut...um..." a voice calls closer then Castle wanted, "I know no...but...," Rachel tries to explain herself.

"Forget about it, now go." Calls one of the other nurse. Castle stood for a minute, patting his pocket. _Locked cabinet here I come._

The halls had a few people roaming. _Now that's how I can get him out of there, give him a call. __If I call in seeing the 'writer boy' as they call me, down here, then he will come running._

After breaking in the drug room and collecting the drugs that he needs Castle runs up to the front desk.

"Can I help you officer?" pretending to be out of breath from running,

"Yes, I...I need help I saw that "writer boy" as you call him, down in the west wing area. I think he's..."

The head nurse was on the phone before he could finish telling her. Castle races down the stairs and found a hiding place, _now to wait I got the ball rolling._ Just as he thought Josh alone comes around the corner.

Castle steps up behind him, shoves a rag to his face. Josh struggles to get out of Castle's grip but is over powered and falls to his knees. "Nightly night Josh." Castle laughs evillishly, "No one messes with me and my muse."

Castle makes sure that he is out cold before dragging his body down the hallway. Castle grunts the whole time. "It's heavier than I thought to move a body, I wouldn't be good at that." Castle stops after hearing footsteps. "Great now what?" He slides the body into the first closet he comes to. The closet door closes on the body just as soon as Rachel steps in.

"Did you catch him?"

"Josh took after him, for he just out-smarted me."

"I'm glad that you're okay," she hugged him, _perfect timing. H_e dropped her keys back into her pocket. "Me too,"  
both leave back up stairs, "I'll be back boy."

On his second round to the west wing, Castle he opens the closet door, "I told you I wouldn't forget you." He unloads all most everything that was in the vending machine. "Let's see brought you well, some food. I don't want you to starve. That wasn't part of the plan." After placing the food and drinks down so Josh wouldn't starve, he handcuffs the man and locks the door back. now no more of you to get in my way. Now to go see Beckett. He steps out of the West wing hallway and gets into trouble. Another nurse stops him. "No one's suppose to be down here," she yells at him.

"Sorry, frist day, I got lost. It won't happen again."

"It better not. Now, get going." Castle swallows. She turns to leave but then turns back around. "You look familiar, where have I seen you before?"

"I...I don't know," _and I'm not going to find out._

_To be continued..._

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what do you think so far?


	3. Chapter 3

**secrets in my heart**

**chapter 3**

hospital

Finally, I can stay with Beckett. Castle takes the jacket, he was wearing off and fixes his hair in the mirror. He was about to enter her room when the nurse stops him.

"Sorry, family only sir."

"So I can't..." the nurse shook her head.

"Sorry if you're not..."

"But I..." Castle had to think quick,_ tell them you're her husband _  
_she'd kill me but it would be worth it. _  
_what if she does? _  
_I'll risk it. I need to be there._  
He took a deep breath. "I'm her fiancé." he says lying through his teeth. The nurse looks over the list, "Sorry sir, no one mentions that."

"Well, why not," his voice creeping higher.

"If it's not on the list then..."

"Then what? I can't see her! Then how the hell do I get on the list."

Another night crew nurse heard his complaints. "Any problems up here." Castle turns to see yet another nurse in another colored scrub, this one was dressed in blue scrubs.

"Why won't they let me in to see my fiancée."

"He's not on the list of visitors only, her dad is. Dr's orders." _Damn you Josh._

"I'll show him how to get on the list." THe blond nurse in her light blue cartoonish scrubs took him by the arm. "Hey you were the guy that was causing a ruckus earlier weren't you?"

He grins sheepish. "Guilty,"

"If you are quiet, in 1 hour they do another shift change. Come back then. I'll let you in but if her father wants you to leave..."

"Then I will. I just..." He would do anything just to see her. "I...I just want to see her. To tell her I'm here."

**One (painfully) hour later:**

The blond nurse kept her promise, She let Castle go by her without stopping him.

"Just remember what I said okay. If Mr. Beckett tells you to leave. I want you gone."

Castle nods, "Thanks," Castle takes a moment at Beckett's door. "I'm finally here..." He sees that her father hasn't left her side yet. Castle slowly opens the door not to scare him. Mr. Beckett glances up, thinking it was another nurse.

"Hey son." he calls shocked to see Castle.

"May I come in?" Castle was hoping that after all the trouble he went thought that her father would allow him to come in.

"So the nurse finally let you in." Castle cracked a smile, _only if he knew what I did._

"Yes. Look if you want me to leave...I will." Castle didn't want to, but seeing how things went that morning, he wasn't sure what Mr. Beckett was going to say. Her father might even blame him for all of this, he just didn't know. He kicked Castle out earlier.  
Castle was about to turn around and walk away, respecting her dad's unspoken request. "Stay."

Castle's heart jumped for joy. He got what he wanted, to see her. Other then the plastic tube sticking out of her throat she looked peaceful.  
Castle automatically reaches out for her hand.

"May I?" he didn't know why he asks that but it was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

_Why does he keep asking that. I know that he wants to._ Mr. Beckett nods. Castle wraps his hands around hers.  
He closes his eyes. Wishing that she would wake up. "Come back to me." he whispers. "I need you..." he intertwines his fingers with hers, with the warmth between them, he knew that she was still in there alive as she had always had been. He would just have to reach in and pull her out. Kate, I'm here. Castle could feel the tears coming. I'm here. Castle swallows, I just want you to know that, that I didn't leave you. He slid his hand down his face. He brought her hand to his face and brushed it against his lips. Please, wake up...

"She can hear you if you talk out loud to her." Mr. Beckett tells Castle who still has his eyes shut crying. But by the time the words reach his brain, he was left alone with her. "what?" Castle looks around to find that Mr. Beckett was not there with him. "Where?" _is that true that one can hear...talk to her Castle._

"Kate, I don't really know if you can hear me...your dad thinks that you can but I..." he glances down at her. "I don't know what to say, I'm once again lost for words, that doesn't always happen. I always talk to much, but when I'm with you...I..." he takes a deep breath. "Being without words it's not a good thing for a writer." He blinks trying to get rid of the tears in his eyes. "Kate I just...you're like no other, a fighter a strong fighter stay with me Kate, I love you." He takes her hand and puts it close to his face. "But it might be to late to tell you that," a tear drips from his eyes. He kisses her hand. "Kate come back to me." he sniffed. "I wish that I could kiss you on the lips. oh, what the hell," he leans over her and gently kisses her lips.  
"So soft..." he smiles, "I..." He leans over and kisses her again. "Remember this moment."

That's when Mr. Beckett, who was watching Castle from the window of the door, knew that his girl was in good hands. _If I don't tell him then he will never know how she feels about him. Kate I know that you might kill me but just look at the way that he cares for you. He has the right to know._

"She loves you, you know." Mr. Beckett enters the room again. "She talks about you all the time."  
Castle lefts his head. "When someone does that," he continues on. "Let's just say she doesn't talk about the other partners like that."  
_Ryan and Esposito_ Castle thought _or her other lovers._

Mr. Beckett sits down in the other chair.

"I even like you," that makes Castle stare over at him. Wanting to hear the rest of what he was going to say. Mr. Beckett continues on. "You...okay your book got my daughter through her mother's death."

"What?" Castle couldn't believe that secret. _Why didn't Beckett tell me? Then he got to thinking about that. She was...That's why she's a big fan._ "Why...I..." Castle starts then stops, Mr. Beckett shakes his head.

"She read that book, what was it called...something about a storm...anyway she read it till it almost fell apart." _So now I know why..._  
Mr Beckett smiles, at the memory. "I remember the day she got it signed, how happy she was, she admitted to me that she was in line for over an hour but she said that it was well worth it to meet you and have you sign it." Castle tries to remember that book signing in New York but that was over 13 years ago. _Secrets that you kept in your heart Beckett, now I know..._Castle smiles. "She was really excited to get to work with you."

"I didn't know that, when I was detailing her..." Castle remembers the stern look he received from Beckett then getting arrested for stealing the photos, that was the just the beginning. "She shut me out,"

"Don't give up on her, Mr. Castle, She shut down after her mother's death, and..." Mr. Beckett swallows. "She bottled it all up. She built a wall," he pauses for a second, "One that hasn't come down yet but..."  
_That wall is finding who killed her mother, if I can help her do that then..._

"It is...was starting to come down and now..."

Castle looks up and sees Mr. Beckett with tears in his eyes.

_Did he just use past tense when he said that?_  
_She's going to pull through this, she's just got to...Beckett come back to me._

**Later on:**

Castle sees Mr Beckett asleep in the chair. He walks over, takes the blanket that was on the edge of the bed and places over his shoulders.  
"There you go." Castle whispers "And thank you for letting me see your daughter."

Castle sits back down next to Kate, takes her hand in his, "Kate wake for me I need to see those eyes again," he sniffs, "I want to see you smile at me, I can't live without your voice. Please talk to me, even if your mad at me for everything I put you through..." Castle shook his head. "I..." he kisses her hand, placing it on the side of his face. "I..." he lays his head down on the bed near her, almost under her arm. And he closes his eyes. "I love you."

to be continued...

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	4. Chapter 4

**secrets in my heart**

**chapter 4**

hospital: Beckett's room

Castle woke when the nurse opens the door. "Just coming in..." The nurse, the one at the front desk who told Castle he couldn't go into the room. "Who do you think you are?" her voice rose after seeing Castle in there too.

"Oh, that's my..." Mr. Beckett winks at Castle, "Almost son-in-law."

"Oh, so you were telling the truth."  
Mr. Beckett turns his head some and shoots a look at Castle, one with confusion. Castle just shrugs.

He thinks that he has blown it and going to get kicked out for sure.

The nurse writes something in Beckett's chart, then some numbers on the clipboard she was carrying. She smiles at Castle as she leaves.

"You'd do anything for her?" Castle swallows, before answering.

"Yes, I..." Mr. Beckett saw in Castle eyes that he really did love Kate a lot if he's willing to lie just to see her. What else would he do for her...

"I..I'm sorry I lied, they wouldn't let me in. I mean Josh wouldn't."

"where is Josh anyway?"

"I haven't seen him." _I know exactly where he is, sleeping handcuffed in that closet_.

"It's better that he's not...here. I didn't really like the guy, he was to...I don't know..."

"In control."

"Yeah, exactly." Mr. Beckett still couldn't see any light coming through the blinds of her window so he shifts in the chair so his legs could straighten out, sighs and went back to sleep.

**hospital morning time:**

"Dad did you sleep here?" was the frist words out of his daughter's mouth when she came in the room hours later. "Gramps said that you didn't come home last night I..."

"Slow down," Castle was waving his hands in a downward motion. "Yes I..."

"You haven't." Martha glances at Castle as he hugs his daughter. "where are you cloths?"

"Oh, I ripped my pants, I had to borrow some."

"Richard don't lie to me." Martha always knew when he was lying to her but why about his cloths?

"shhhh..." Castle points to Mr. Beckett who was now curled up in the chair besides his daughter's bed.

"We brought..."

"Martha," Mr. Beckett starts to stir from his sleep.

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you. I just brought my son.." glances at her son, then to Mr. Beckett. "Coffeee...want some?"

"Yes, that would be good." Martha hands him a cup.

"ut um..." a nurse stares at them.

"Oh, right. Mother. You can't have food in here."

"She'll be fine," Martha states, looking over at her son, Castle smiles. Castle knew that his mother only brought the coffee in the room was to get Mr. Beckett to leave them alone. "Thank you." he whispers.

"I know," Mr. Beckett winks, Castle's direction."She's in good hands." Alexis was confused _good hands_? After the two left. Alexis glances at Beckett. Seeing her hooked up to all the monitors, didn't look good.

"How is she?" her dad shook his head, "About the same."

"I..." Alexis hugs her dad. "I..." Castle starts to rub Alexis' hair, more to comfort himself.

"I'm not giving up, I can't...she's..." Alexis walks over to the unoccupied seat, and sinks down in it.

"I know that she looks..." he notices that his daughter has already taken Beckett's hand in hers.

"You know that she can hear you. Talk out loud to her," He encourages his daughter.

"Have you?" She glances a smile at her dad, "Have you been talking to her?"

"Yes, yes I have..." She could still see the pain in his lonely helpless eyes.

"What do I say to her?"

"Whatever's on your mind. If that's what you want."  
_What's on my mind? I don't want you to know...but on the other hand, Beckett won't know either. Should I just say it anyway._ Then her Father's voice rings out.

"I'm not giving up on you Kate open your eyes it's your partner..." he wanted to say something more but with his daughter there..."your partner in crime." he tries to joke.  
"and Alexis, I..." Alexis added in a soft voice.

Martha comes back to the room, this time without Mr. Beckett.  
"Where's?" Castle asks not seeing him with her.

"I sent him home, for a little while, told him that we would stay with her. Now..."  
Castle shook his head, before she began.

"I can't."

"Or you wont." his mother says sternly, she knows that her son can be stubborn sometimes when it comes to Beckett.

"I..."

"I think Alexis wants to be alone with her." she whispers in his ear as she leans to grab his arm. "Let's let her."

"Dad we'll be fine,"

"I..." he starts to protest again.

"Go," Alexis pretends to push him, "Nothing's going to happen, in the little time that you are gone."  
Martha takes him by the hand and leads him out. Castle turns to look at Alexis, she smiles. "okay, not to long mother."

Alexis sighs. _I can do this._

"Ka...detective Beckett, I don't know if you can hear me or not my dad says that you can...he wouldn't lie to me but this...I don't know." she takes a deep breath. "Don't die on me, don't leave me too." she lowers her head. "I... okay We need you I..." Mr Beckett walks back in, not seeing Alexis in the room, till he enters.

She lefts her head. "Sorry, I just..."

"You're Alexis, Mr. Castle's daughter."

"Yeah," she says shyly, then looks back down.

"Kate told me some about you," Alexis is shocked to hear that.

"She knows you're here, I'll come back let the two of you talk." He sighs, "Listen Kate I'll be back, Alexis your close friend's daughter wants to talk to you. I'll be right outside. I'm not leaving you so you don't leave me. It's hard to see her like this I lost," he sniffs, "Her mother like this, it tore me apart I can't lose my baby... to the same...man...she has so much love to give." Alexis could see that he was hurting too. She remembered that her dad always gave her a hug to make it feel somewhat better.

She walks over to him and hugs him. Mr. Beckett thought she was hugging him cause she was upset. "There there," he tries to comfort her.

"I...don't want her to leave me either...I was..." Mr. Beckett didn't know all that much about Alexis but he could tell that she was looking up to Kate as a friend, maybe even a motherly figure. That's who Kate was, the kind of person who cared about everybody.

Castle, who was staring through the window, sees this. He wants to run into the room and help his daughter.

"No Richard, Don't touch that door knob." his mother yells softly.

"My daughter needs me."

"She...needs this."

"But she's..." he points to the window. "she's hurting."

"She needs this time with Beckett."

"Uh..." Castle walks from the window of the door and faces his mother. "What? Is there something..."

"I didn't want to tell you this," Martha sighes, "Alexis made me promise."

"Promise what?" He steps forward some. "Mother, what did she promise."

"She..."

"Yes," his voice had that stern edgy crisp to it.

"Okay, she was looking up to Beckett as well..."

"I don't..."

"Like a girlfriend," Castle made a face. "Not like that, someone that she could turn to."

"She has me ...and you..." Castle response still not seeing the whole picture.

"Yes, that's true but...it's..."

"You mean..." _What do you mean...a mother. He thinks for a second, why would she?_

"Yes," Martha saw the thought finally sinking in. _now you're getting it._ "a motherly figure," Castle's heart stopped.

He didn't know this about Alexis. They never talked about it. Never talk about...Meredith much...she was never...around. _No wonder Alexis was...and still is pushing us together, towards each other. She was trying to make me see that maybe Beckett is the woman that can change my life. That she too wanted Beckett to be part of her life, and I... I was hurting both of us._

He looks back towards the window at the two of them still talking. Martha walks up behind her son.  
_She needs to let it out, just like I did. Why can't we Castle's let it all out earlier instead of waiting till..._

"Let her have this time," Martha whispers. "It's what she needs." she swallows. "a time...a time to grieve."  
_grieve mother, she's not...not yet she's not..._Martha wraps her arm around her son. "It's going to be okay,"

"You don't know that." Castle leaves his mother's side and sits in one of the chairs.

**_moments later:_**

"Jim, what's wrong?" Martha asks seeing him, come from the room. She worries that something bad has happened.

"Nothing," Jim shakes his head. "I just thought Alexis had a lot more to tell my daughter so I left her in there alone ," he sits down next to Martha. "I hope that that's okay." Castle rushes up to the window.

"Richard, what did I tell you."

"I know mother but..." he turns to face her then back to the window so he can watch his daughter.

"Nothing. Now get back over here and let her be."

to be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter is all about what's running through Alexis' mind. I wrote this the way...well I might feel if it was happening to me as a little girl. **

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**Secrets in my heart  
****chapter 5**

hospital: Beckett's room

Pacing back and forth, Alexis was turning into her father. "Hey," she went closer to Beckett's bed. "It's me again, Alexis." She took a deep breath. "Your dad's right. I do have more to say, I just..." she swallows. "I just don't know, I mean... can you even hear me? I just...I don't know." _what am I doing? I can't do this._ She slides her hand down her face. _yes, you can_.

"My dad says to talk to you out loud, tell you want's on my mind, so I guess I will. It can't hurt right. Anyway my thoughts, they're never well let's just say come out as one. So bear with me at times."

She faces the door to get her courage again. "I never had anyone in a coma before but I feel the heartache, which is mine now. I mean I've been through it almost as much as my dad. Way to many times. I still haven't forgive my mom, yes I remember that day...the day that my life changed...I don't remember exactly date or day, I just remember it was raining outside. I couldn't go out to the swings, which I always love to do with my dad, it was our thing to do. We spent hours out there just me and him. of course he was fluttering most of the time but when you are a kid you don't see that. I didn't till years later but..." Alexis pauses to swallow.

"Anyway after my mom walked out on me, I cried for days. I waited, watching for her to return. Well, that day...it never came, it still hasn't. I know people have lives and change...I've...my dad has...well some I guess." She laughs a little at that. "I...I always thought that she didn't want me...I don't know what I did wrong, but...I felt like I was...worthless...my dad kept trying to tell me that I wasn't and helped me find that out but still the pain of that never goes away. Each date that he went on after that... I thought I might have a chance but you see how that turned out." Another chuckle.

"All I ever wanted was someone to say...love me, sure dad and gramps did...but there was something missing...a connection...if that makes sense. well, that was until..." she sits in the chair next to Beckett's bed. "Until you stepped into our lives, a change happened...one in a good way, a jump start...a joy...that I haven't seen in years. not only for him but for me. but now...that's been taken away from me too." She starts to cry. "Why do you have to leave me..." she sniffs. "Life's not fair I know but...don't leave me, I don't think I can survive it..." she sniff. "And I know that he wont..." She lowers her head. "I know that this might sound selfish, but I don't care..."

a long pause. "You know that he blames himself for all this...I know that you guys have differences but that's what makes you great together...he cares for you...and what you think...I..." She sniffs again this time louder. "I...looked up to you...still do...come back to me, I..." she gets up to look out the window again. "My heart is breaking every time." another pause.

"I...you were the coolest person I knew...know well other then gramps...the one thing that I..." she turns around to face Beckett again. She didn't think that there was much hope of Beckett coming out of this...but she...this might be her one shot to tell her everything. "The one thing that I always asked for Christmas and new years was for...my dad to be happy. Something that well money couldn't buy...I thought I got my wish in you, I mean you made him happy, you seemed to be anyway...he acts like a child, keeping the innocence in his heart. Never giving up that chance, that one chance even if a slimmer of one, a chance of hope...your smile, the one he says he sees when he bring you coffee everyday made him believe, of that chance. And to me..." She took Beckett's hand and closes her eyes, not knowing that a nurse came in.

"To me you were more...more then a friend...I mean..." She can feel the more tears coming and faster. "I never told my dad...that I was being to well...how does one say...I never wanted you to leave my life...I was getting used to having you around...trusting in you...hoping that you and my dad would...well you know...become more then friends...I guess that I was asking once again for something to much...I just...you were more to me then my mom, if you can call her that. Meredith, that was her name, if you didn't know. You spent more time with me, in the past what eight nine months then she ever did...I thought the nightmares I had about her might end...now...I..." She let tears fall. "I'm now going to have other nightmares...I thought my life was going to change...but..." she sniffed. "It's not going to end very well...I just wanted to say thanks, to you...I enjoyed the chance that I had with you...thanks for listening to me blabbed on and on...but...I wanted you to know that...I just wish that...maybe one day...I'll feel it again...Beckett...Kate...I...we love you..." Alexis was silently praying for her to come back to them.

Almost immediately the machine monitoring starts going off. The door opens and more nurses run in.

"Get the kid out of here now." A nurse pushes Alexis towards the door. "What's happening...what did I do, what did I do..." Alexis starts to scream..."Is this my fault,?"

"You have to stay out here," the nurse slams the door shut.

Castle's walking around outside in the hallway with cups of coffee.  
_Something was not right. Why was Alexis standing by the door. Oh no._ His heart sank. _Not that._

"Alexis why are you out here?"  
Nurses and Dr's are running around pass him.

Jim gets up.  
"What's going on?"

Alexis starts crying uncontrollably. "I was just..." she grabs her dad. "I..."  
"Shhh..."

"Oh dad...tell me she's going to be okay..." she sniffs and buries her face into him. Martha takes the cups from her son so he can hold Alexis. She looks over at Jim who, once again looks like he can't stand streight.

"oh no..." Jim tries to look in the window but the nurse closes it, _why would they...close the curtain...that can't mean..._  
Martha rushed over to him, just in case he fell.

"Dad I think..." Alexis swallows, _Beckett you can't die on me not now...I..._

Dr and nurse were still running in and out of Beckett's room. "Go, go..." Then silence. Everything went silent...

Mr. Beckett exchanges looks with Castle.

Castle took a deep breath and swallows hard. He held his daughter tighter. Martha took Jim's hand she knew that what ever was happening, it was good to have some comfort. It wasn't much but it would help.

The door finally opens. Dr. Kovaks still standing in the door frame, spoke in a loud voice.

"I'll tell the family..."

to be continued...(sorry to leave you hanging)...

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what do you think so far?


	6. Chapter 6

**Secrets in my heart  
****chapter 6**

hospital: hallway

"No dad, she didn't..."

"sweetie I'm." Castle tries to be strong for his daughter but on the inside he felt like he had just been gutted open like a fish.

Dr Kovaks stands taking in a deep breath, watching the family react before he even had a chance to talk to them. If they react like this before I tell them...I think I'll have to tell them separately.

"Which one of you is Kate's father?"  
Jim tries to stand up, his legs were wobbly. The doctor was waving for him to follow.

"Do you want me to go with you," Martha asks still holding on to his hand so that he wouldn't fall over "No I..." he let go of her hand. _I've done this before,_ he wanted to say but didn't want to upset them even more.

Jim finally made his way to where the Dr was standing apart for the others.

He glances back at Castle who has his head down crying.

"Look Mr Beckett..." the Dr. continues.."I didn't want everyone up at once, that's why I want us to talk over here." the Dr. sighs, "You daughter's..."

"Just say it..." Jim looks back at Castle then at Martha. He watches her move closer to her son. "I...we need to know." But before the Dr could speak again, another Dr, a blond one, was whispering in Dr. Kovaks' ear. "Okay," he whispers

"which one is the..." the second Dr only shrugs and shakes his head and leaves.

"Your daughter's..." Dr. Kovaks starts again, hopefully without any more interruptions.

"Yes..." Jim waits for the answer to get this over with.

"Starting to wake up."

"What?" Everyone stares his direction. "I don't want everyone to be in there with her right now,"

"Is she going to be okay?" Jim whispers.

"That, we will have wait and see...remember she's just starting to wake up which is great but she's not out of the woods just yet."

The same blond Dr comes back.  
"She's ready but she's weakly asking for a daughter, a something about Lexis, that's what I could make out."

"I don't know who that is either?" Dr. Kovaks questions, not paying attention to Jim leaving him standing there.

"Does she..." Dr. kovaks turns to face Jim but he's gone.

Martha before Jim makes it back to where the others where, gathers him into an embrace. "Oh Jim, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." she whispers.

"She's..." before he could tell her the truth, that his daughter was okay, she guides him to the couch.

"There there. Sit."

"Ut...Um...Dr. you want to get the daughter that she's talking about, the one that she's calling for or you want me too." A nurse talks to Dr. Kovaks who was watching the father talk to Kate's friends.

Both the Dr. and the nurse walk up to the group this time. Jim nods, given his approval.

"um..." the dr. exhales heavily. "Does she have a daughter, Lexis?"

Alexis looks up, "me?"

"No that's my daughter, Alexis and why do you ask?" Castle was confused, "I thought..."

"Oh sorry, couldn't make it out." The blond says stepping closer.

"What?" Everyone glances at each other, then at Jim.

"Jim," Martha whispers. "What's he talking about?"

"She's..."

"What do you mean couldn't make it out?" Castle eyes the Drs.

"She's...asking..."

"She's alive..." Castle nearly jumps out of his chair.

"whoa sir." the Dr puts his hands up in a stopping motion. "Not so fast."

"Anyway she was asking for daughter Lexis well, that's what I made out, she still very, very weak."

"But she's..." Ryan and Esposito get up.

"Resting...yes," he took a deep breath, "I thought since she was asking us for...Alexis." he drags out the letter 'A'. "I send her in." he walks up to the girl.  
"Alexis right?"

"Yes," Castle starts to get up.

"She just asks for her, alone, I think." the Dr smiles. "If she wants to, that's totally up to you dear," he smiles at her again, hoping to calm her some.  
"You don't have to...she was just asking..."

Her dad looks at her. Alexis, had a scared look on her face.  
"Only if you don't want to honey."

Alexis wipes at the tears from her face and starts to walk off with the Drs.

"Why is she asking for me and not.." Alexis glances back at her dad.

"We don't sweetie, we don't know." Alexis opens the door to Beckett's room. She sees Beckett propped up smiling at her.

"Hey," Alexis could barely hear Becket's whisper. The door closes behind Alexis and she nearly jumps. Beckett coughs some. "I'm not going to leave you."

"Don't talk to much," The nurse says, "You still need your rest."

"I just..." she swallows, "Wanted you to know that. Tell your dad that I'm not leaving anytime soon." she winks. "so he will have to deal with me." _ut oh dad's in for it, what he did._ Alexis thought. A smile crept across her face.

**outside Beckett's room:**

Castle sits wondering what's going on. Talking more to himself he asks, "Why did she would ask for her and not me I'm..."

"Son, I told you girl time," Martha answers him.

"I know...what did Alexis tell her."

"That's between the two of them."

"But I'm..." he had that whinny voice starting. "I'm her dad I should know."

"Not everything."

"Mother!" his voice rose, with that.

"Is he always like this?" Jim asks Ryan and Esposito.

"Pretty much..." they laugh... "When it comes to his daughter and Beckett." Ryan chuckles again.

"He's..." Esposito starts to say.

"In love I know...I once was..." Jim comments.

"I was going to say jealous bro but love works too,"

Alexis comes out smiling.  
"Looks like she just won the lottery." comments Jim, after seeing the girl's grin.

"I think that she has bro." Esposito responds winking at Alexis.

"What?" Ryan didn't get it.

"She's asking for you." Alexis told Jim.

"Thanks dear," he pats her on the arm.  
Ryan leans over the empty chair that Mr. Beckett was sitting in. "I guess you will be last, Castle."  
Ryan laughs.

"Very funny guys."

"Oh dear here we go again." Martha shakes her head. Alexis sits by her dad.

"What did she say, what did she say." he kept asking all excited, he was sure that his daughter would tell him. She always told him everything. but she kept her mouth shut.

"Richard dear," his mother spoke up to make him stop asking.

"Ignore your grandmother, Alexis I..."

"It was between her and me." she gave an evil like grin at her father, then added. "If you want to know you'll have to ask her yourself." she winks more to her grandmother.

"That's my girl," Castle pouts, like a kid.

"Oww..." he could hear Ryan and Esposito. laughing.

"She told you bro." Esposito comes closer.  
_She's turned my daughter against me. Beckett _he screams in his mind._ I'm gonna..._  
_gonna what..._he could hear her voice in his head.

**later on:**

Castle approaches Beckett's bed. He just stood there staring in silence.

"What?"

"Uh,"

"You're staring at me, Castle. I must look really like crape."

"No. no, I just...I just never thought I'd never see those eyes open again...I..." he sits down.

"You scared me...not to mention what my daughter saw... she's right about...well you,"

"What?"  
A nurse enters, "She needs her rest sir,"

"So I've been told." He creaks a smile. Beckett points to the cup on her beside tray.

"Water?"

She nods, Castle pours her some in the cup. He hands it to her but doesn't let go of her hand.

"Castle I..." he sighs, staring into her eyes.

"I know..." She takes a sip, then breathes in deep. "I keep seeing that face, the face of Montgomery dying. Me getting shot and dying right there in..."

"We'll get through this like we get though everything...together...I'm here."

"Castle, I'm really tired right now."

"Sir," the nurse response, "Respect the lady."

"Of course. till tomorrow." Castle shoots the chair back and starts to get up to leave.

"Not tomorrow?"

"What?"

"I just need a little time."

_She's hiding from me again. only if she knew I know the truth. I'll play along._

"Sure. How much time?"

"I'll call you, okay?"

"I'll be there. I always am." He gives her one last smile before he walks away.

He knew what that meant. But a few days without Beckett was like an eternity. _If this is what she needs then I will give it to her. _He walks pass the guys and his daughter. Alexis starts to get up to go after him but Martha grabs her arm , "Let him be."

"But..."

"He respected your talk with her so let's do the same for him."  
Ryan and Esposito never saw him like that, well except right when he thought she had died. _What did she say to him? What happened behind that door to get him in that kind of mood?_  
They look over at Alexis who is hugging her grandmother. "Something's wrong with that picture. Something major." Ryan comments.

to be continued...

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	7. Chapter 7

**Secrets in my heart  
****chapter 7**

**Castle's loft: Several days later**

Things were not the same since Castle left the hospital that day, four days ago. Beckett hadn't called and Alexis was busy with school.

Alexis thought that her father was going to burn a hole in the floor of the loft with his pacing back and forth. He had been drinking and staying up well, later than he normally did.

She did however see that he had written more than 20 chapters for his new book so maybe they both needed this break from each other but then again, he was no fun. She caught his sitting at the kitchen table with his computer running, but he was once again staring at his phone.

Castle told his daughter what Beckett said to him in her room about needing time. _why?_ _Alexis thought, was she hiding...from him._

"Why don't you just call her?"

"But I..."

"I'll do it," Alexis remembers what Beckett told her. That if she ever needed anything that her father couldn't get for her to call her and she would get it. "It's been four days, isn't time?"

"I..." Alexis rushes to grab his phone before he can react.

Both grab for it at the same time. Both not letting go. "Give it back." he yells.

"I don't think so, not this time."

They both rustle in to the living room both trying to hold on to the phone. "Alexis no you don't,"

Both tumble onto the couch. Hearing all this Martha rushes into the room.

"Richard!" she screams, "What is going on in here?"

"Got it," she hears Alexis, who is now on the floor.

"He won't call Beckett," she jumps up to her feet, into view of her grandmother.

"Why? It's been..." she asks, Castle stands, staring at Alexis to give him his phone back. "Just go visit..."  
before his mother could finish he rips the phone from Alexis' hands and was out the door of the loft.

"She's back at work already." his mother finishes her thought. "He'll find that out."

precinct:

Beckett's eyes lit up when Castle walks in.

"Hey Castle,"

"Hey yourself," he smiles, _Alexis was right seeing her is what I need._

"My dad, said that you stayed with me the few days. while I was in my coma." She remembers hearing something.

"I'm you're my partner why wouldn't I be?"

"I...Thank you." she smiles at him. That special smile that made his heart jump everyday, when he brought coffee. _only if she knew the whole truth_,

"So you and Josh." Then it was gone again crushed inside because of the word Josh, "Must have gotten along." He hears her say.

_I wouldn't know I locked him in the closet opps, I forgot to let him out. oh well, at least I left him some food. Someone will find him and when they do...all hell will break loose. I'll have to enjoy this moment now. Enjoy my freedom now._

"Some." Castle lies, he knew that one day she might find out but for now...

**A few moments later:**

A fuming Josh stormed into the precinct, yelling at no one in particular.

"I want that man," he points at Castle, "arrested for... for gagging me and locking me in the west wing janitors closet in the basement for over a week."

"West wing, wait that's the wing... that was being remodeled." Esposito states.

"That's right." All look at Castle who holds his tongue from saying that that's exactly what happened.

"Castle...!" Beckett's voice rings from the crowd. He swallows. "See, he did do it, so I couldn't be with you."  
Beckett shot a look at Castle, "Is that true?"

When he didn't answer her, she steps to where she is now directly in front of him. He tries to look away by lowering his head something he automatically did when he couldn't face the truth. He couldn't make eye contact with that person, especially her. He tries to blink.

"Don't look away from me." with her stern voice, He knew that he was going to be in trouble. He glances up like a child ready to get punished by his mother.

"I want the truth now!" she demands with her angry voice. Everyone starts to leave the three of them in the office area. They didn't want to get involved in another fight.

"He's on his own, he was the one who started this." Ryan starts, "Let's let her take care of him."

Beckett had her death glare at him. "I..." Castle swallows knowing that he is caught. _she's never going to let it go._ He hesitates a little too long.  
"Tell me."

He just nods. His heart felt empty, drained.  
The dragon's fury was on the lose, no hiding now.

"You know why!" he defends. He shakes his head. "You've always known, admit it to yourself," his voice was a little louder than he wanted it to be but he was trying to make her see that, that man was not right for her. He turns his eyes away from hers.

"See he admits to it, arrest him." Josh chimes in. Beckett stares over at Josh forgetting he was even there. _wait, where is everyone else._

"Out!" Beckett shouts.

"Me?" Josh shouts back.

"No! Castle you get out!" She points to the door, "Now and stay...out."

to be continued...

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	8. Chapter 8--the end

**Secrets in my heart  
****chapter 8**

Castle hung his head, he slinks out the door with a heavy sigh.

"You lost her bro." Esposito says.

"I know...I just..." he looks down and whispers to himself not knowing that the guys heard those last words. The words, "I love her". Ryan patted him on the back. He glances up, now he could only watch her from a distance.

Beckett wrapped her hands around Josh's waist, "Sorry he was..."

Josh glares back at the window, "he... he was trying to sabotage our relationship," knowing damn well Castle was still watching them "and you let him get away with it."

"He was helping me with my mother's case. That's all."

"Your mother's dead, what's that got to do with us. I thought we were past that...moving on, getting over it."

Beckett thought about his words...Your mother's dead. Move on. Get over it.

Those words...Castle knew that too but why would those words mean different when Castle said them...Is Josh making me forget about my mother...just to forget everything.

She pulled back from him. Stares him in eyes for a moment. Then out of no where punches him in the face. "Don't you dare..."  
He was hit so hard that he hit the floor. Beckett just walks out leaving Josh on the floor.  
"Wait...I..."

Castle was watching with Ryan and Esposito on the other side of the office, "What could that have been about?"  
"I don't know bro," Esposito turns to Castle, "But go over to her, now's your chance."

"You get a second chance," Ryan adds.

Castle watches Beckett go over to her desk, sit down and buries her face in her hands. Then he hears her start to cry.  
He wasn't sure if he should bother her or let her be. He swallows the lump in his throat and takes the chance. _what could hurt_ he thought _I'm already in trouble again with her. She already told me to leave , to get out, and to stay out._  
_to stay out what?_  
_oh to stay away from her, that's what she meant to say. To stay away from her life but what if...I'm taking that chance, if I have to leave her I want to do it and have no regrets._

Beckett glances up when she heard his footsteps.

"I..." he calmly says. She kept staring at him, making him uncomfortable. _what was she going to say._  
"I'll leave if you want me too..." he swallows. "And not come back."

She knew that he'd never do that. He was to in love with her. And she was in love with him. She was his partner and he loved her. A little too much.

T_he silence between us...it's to much. I have to respect her. I know I screwed up and this time. I might as well keeping going she's definitely never __going to talk to me anymore, not after the stunt I just pulled._

Castle starts to walk off, defeated.  
"Castle wait," he turns to face her, just standing there.

"Yes," and she went right into his arms, which socked him but not as much as what she was about to say.  
"This is where I want to be,"

"In my arms." he laughs. She just snuggle's closer against him. Ryan and Esposito give him a thumbs up.

Castle just smiles holding her. Just thank-full that she was...still in his life and that he had a chance to make this all work.

Something he always wanted

to unsolve the mystery of Kate Beckett.

the end


End file.
